Artboy: Embarrassing Myself Since 1971

This summer I ran away to a writers conference.

It was a birthday present to myself that did not go exactly as planned...largely because of this unfortunate habit that I have of not remembering exactly who it is that I am.

See, people who know me often do not realize that I am painfully, terrifyingly shy. If an event entails mixing and mingling, my stomach sinks and I go quickly into panic mode.

So, really, nothing says "recipe for success" like a campus full of strangers, the prospect of sharing my writing with said strangers and, because why wouldn't it, the work stress and deadlines that followed me deep into western Massachusetts.

And then there was my mobile.

Because I was juggling work calls, work e-mails, urgent work calls, urgent work e-mails, unimportant work calls and e-mails, and "Oh, I totally forgot you were on vacation" work calls and e-mails, I was toggling my phone settings roughly once every few hours.

Which is how I forgot.

Sitting in a reading by the author Steve Almond, one of the authors who I had specifically attended the conference to hear read and, if possible, workshop with, my phone began to ring. That's right. Steve Almond. The guy who wrote Rock and Roll Will Save Your Life and the absolutely and totally freaking brilliant Candyfreak: A Journey Through the Chocolate Underbelly of America (1). As intensely humiliating as it potentially is to say this, Candyfreak falls into the category of books that changed the way I think about writing.

Yes. That's right. A book about candy made me want to be a better writer. Based on that look, I'll tell you about the Twinkie book in another post.

And so, of course, it would be Steve Almond's reading when I would forget to switch my phone to silent.

"I bet whoever's phone that is feels like a real asshole," Almond said without missing a beat.

"He does," I said to the two women in front of me who had turned around when the ringing started coming from my workbag.

Well, tomorrow night, if you're in Newtonville or somewhere nearby, it's your chance to make a jerk out of yourself in front of author Steve Almond at Newtonville books. He's not only an amazing writer, but among the most entertaining readers I've heard.

You can also check out his website to see other places he'll be reading.

Really, you'd be an asshole not to.

1. Which brought the Idaho Spud candy bar into my life.