Thursday, February 25, 2010

A little something for VanPelt


From the Employee Handbook, Page 35
Section II: Employee Dress Code
Subsection B: T-shirts

The wearing of ironic and/or vintage and/or faux vintage t-shirts is strongly encouraged. To meet the standards put forward by the dress code t-shirts should be:

-- Constructed of fair trade, organic, native seed cotton raised on a family-owned farm whose outermost field boundaries end no fewer than 25 kilometers from any field cultivating genetically modified crops of any type.

-- Slogans, logos, band names and/or wry, ironic comments should be printed using vegetable-based inks by individuals whose work environment is clean, safe and within walking distance of no fewer than two establishments whose offerings include locally-sourced, wheat-free, gluten-free vegan fare and one feminist, socialist and/or LGBT bookstore.

-- T-shirts should feature at least one stain and/or pronounced area of “wear and tear” generated from: 1) participation in a World Bank protest; 2) participation in a multi-day concert which included either a performance by the Indigo Girls or the non-ironic performance of an Indigo Girls song by a band which includes no fewer than two members wearing "Free Tibet" t-shirts; 3) a road trip culminating in participation at Burning Man; 4) general confrontations and/or aggressive interactions with “The Man”.

-- T-shirts should have been purchased from an independently-owned, minority-run establishment which derives no less than 75% of its electricity from a community-owned wind farm.

cont., 

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Is that a euphemism?

Why the sudden posting?

Because this morning I'm hiding out in my classroom waiting for a meeting.

That's right...I'm taking a couple hours and playing hooky from BIG (1).

Can I tell you how unspeakably happy this makes me? Being here and not there?

That's probably not a good sign.

1. Ok. I'm signed in online and totally connected to the office...so I'm playing hooky in a really lame way. Like the time in high school that we all snuck out to go to breakfast and the driver of our getaway car brought an excuse note and wound up hanging the rest of us out to dry.

Clean up, aisle six.

As I've mentioned before, I'm not so good at the whole dressing thing.

I mean, I know how the dress. The physical act. The "put your pants on one leg at a time" thing.

I've got that down.

But I'm not so good at the buying thing. The shopping part. That I tend to procrastinate on.

A lot.

When I finally do give in and buy new things I tend to do it in a single rush...a couple pairs of pants, some shirts and maybe, if things are desperate, a pair of shoes. Which means that everything tends to bite the dust at the same time.

Which is where we're at right now. When I open the closet door I swear I can almost hear a groan as the items in there brace themselves for one more trip into the world. My sweaters are feeling a bit bare. My shirts are looking tired.

And my shoes. My shoes are largely being held together by prayer.

I'll be honest. It's not pretty.

For jeans I'm covered. Clever, cool t-shirts for days. Hoodies that make me happy.

But I'm starting to look a bit worn at the edges when it comes to getting dressed for situations that do not allow me to, as Leopold recently termed it, dress like one of my students.

Except, for the most part, my students dress much better than me.